If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Still dying that you shit outside
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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