hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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