yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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