thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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