new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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