Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You ruined the universe
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