Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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