4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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