there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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