I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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