Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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