Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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