I'm going to jail i love you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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