I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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