I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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