I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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