yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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