can u get pink eye on your cock?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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