Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wear drunk well.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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