I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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