I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize