Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize