We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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