is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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