her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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