i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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