I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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