Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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