could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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