dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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