im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The Olympian is in my bed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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