Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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