I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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