My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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