Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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