i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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