Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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