if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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