he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize