Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Still dying that you shit outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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