I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My feet surprised me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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