I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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