I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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