If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize