I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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