He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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