Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize