just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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