This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I love you. Go after that dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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