I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize